Is this Racism?

I had an interesting experience yesterday while helping Russ move into his new apartment. Russell, Tiffany, two of Tiffany's cousins (an 18 year old and a 10 year old) and I were in a van on the way to Tiffany's parents house to pick up some furniture. The conversation turned to yet another cousin who had started dating "a black guy." He was actually some fraction black, I was never quite clear on his exact lineage. The question then was "...but does he act black?" To which the response was "No, he's nice." They then went on about the percentage black he was and whether he looked black and then the 18 year old cousin said "I know he looks black and everything, but does he act like, you know, a whigger or something." Now, as I understand it, whigger is a derogative term for a white guy who has over-embraced black culture. It's a combination of white and nigger. So by saying a black person acts like a white nigger, aren't you just asking if he acts like a nigger? And who really asks if a person is nice or if he's black?

And that wasn't all. Later, Russ asked about my presidential preference. This turned to a slight discussion of Barack Obama. Russell is convinced that in their heart of hearts the American public is not ready to elect a black guy. He said that even if he were elected he'd probably get assassinated or something. Now, I don't love Barack Obama, but I've always considered his race to be a strong positive for him. I think a majority of people would be excited for a black president as a symbol of national healing and a movement passed divisive identity politics. So I feel like Russell's view of the national mood on Obama is actually a bit of a reflection of Russell's view of how ready he is to elect a black president. Russell, of course, will swear up and down that he is not a racist.

So the question for me is, where did this subtle and not so subtle racism come from?
Russ and I grew up in the same house with the same rules and the same parents. The real difference between Russell and I and the rest of his family is his friends. Russell has had the same group of friends since he was a kid. Those friends tend to run in a demographic that has less education and less money than the family that Russell came from. Since racism is a result of ignorance more than anything else, it would make sense to me that that demographic would be more likely to have a race bias even than the hoity toity white world that we grew up in.

So here's what this little example tells me: Friends matter. The friends your children make and keep are vastly important on how those kids will turn out. You can teach your kids while they are young, but as they get older they will begin to see their parents as out of touch or square, and their friends will fill in as teaching kids what is normal. What is normal will then have a big impact on what they think is right or acceptable. As if parenting weren't stressful enough, now I have to worry about what everyone else is teaching the kids that mine are going to hang out with.